EFT - Emotional Freedom Tapping

EFT... Emotional Freedom Tapping.
I'd already experienced the power of that when I learnt to do it a few years back. Now I'm working my way through the book "Unblocked" (more on that in under "Books" in the forums) which is about tapping with specific scripts on themes for each of the first 4 chakras.
Currently I'm working on "anger" and the Sacral chakra.
And I keep getting insights as I work through this book, amazing insights that I haven't had even though I've been intensively working on personal growth & development for over a decade. Sometimes you need to come at things from a different angle to see something that before was a blind spot.

Anywho, had another insight after the first couple of anger tapping scripts.
I've been bullied in the past for 7 years and of course this had a tremendous impact on me. Much of that I've already worked through and dealt with.
But of late I'm beginning to see there's more work related to the bullying! I had not seen that coming.
The insight I had just now is that I very much, if not 100%, rely on my body and ability to fight for my sense of feeling safe AND self-confidence. The latter of course also spills over in looks. For instance being slightly overweight, what I wear, how I look that day, and feeling unworthy if I judge all these to not be okay. I've dealt with that part for the most.
But the sense of feeling safe, feeling I can take care of myself when I'm dealing with a threat or someone who's angry or shouting or treating me injust... I had not really seen that this for me is also related to being able to physically defend myself.

I should have known, could have known, as my only interest in sports is and always has been... martial arts!
I have done Taekwondo in the past, but after 2 kids I couldn't do that anymore due to back problems & hypermobility. I clearly remember that I felt totally out of whack when I realised I couldn't defend myself anymore!! And I do mean totally in capitals. I felt so insecure, as if everyone was out to get me.
When sustaining a lot of abuse, including physical, in relationship with a narcissist I felt the same way: I couldn't do anything. In that case more factors were at play, mind you. But had I been able to take him on, defend myself, I would've felt much much stronger and powerful!

Now the insight is that this is yet another thing from having been bullied in the past. That was never physical by the way, but I couldn't defend myself against the bullying I did get (laughing, verbally, being ridiculed etc.). I didn't have the skills nor knowledge nor guidance & protection from a teacher or parent (they didn't know) or friend to help me out.
One day a girl threatened to wait for me after school and then... In other words, she'd beat me up. Of course she wasn't there, and things wouldn't have ended well for her if she had been! In spite of all the years of bullying there was one thing I would not, not ever!!!, have put up with: physical abuse. Not ever!
I suspect that's why the emphasis on physically defending myself was born. Maybe I could not verbally & socially defend myself, but damned if I wouldn't and couldn't do that physically!

The funny thing is -and all good martial arts teachers will tell you this- when you are able to defend yourself with the martial art you've learnt, you will sooner walk away from a fight than fight. And I experienced this was true. Not that I ever came close to being in a fight, mind you, but the feeling inside that you CAN if need be defend yourself, in most cases with great ease even, douses the instinct to even bother verbally reacting. It kind of kills the knee-jerk reactions many can have.

The irony is that as it is I cannot do much physically concerning defending myself. I've got hypermobility, had two accidents that caused neck and head trauma and all the crap that comes with that. So because of that I've had -and still do- to learn to feel confident without the physical backup. Just me myself and I, who I am, my inner strength.

Not entirely sure yet how this all fits together but I can feel I'm on to something big here! Which is great as it's why I am doing all this work with the book, haha.
I want to find relief of all these ailments, to be able to enjoy life more and not have daily pain and limitations.

Unbelievable what EFT can dig up!
If you want to go deep to address something this is the way to go!

Now I'm gonna give myself a big hug!  

I've been doing a lot of tapping again since last week.
This time not from the book but vids from Nick Ortner on YouTube, and some from the annual tapping summit they had the other day.
I stopped with the book Unblocked in January as my Nervus Vagus course started, now picking up the tapping again
And again have had a lot of release.
What I like about doing Nick Ortner's vids -at least for now- is that you have him say the words so you just have to follow along, although I do adept the script to my situation. But that's changing a few words only. When I work from the book I have to read the scripts while tapping. It is quite nice to be able to just follow it from Nick Ortner.

In any case, I'm a big fan. It works amazingly fast! Yesterday managed to get my tinnitus from a 10 to a 2-3 in just some 10 minutes. Another day I had severe backpain from overdoing it in the garden. I could barely get up an walk into the kitchen!
I did tapping, and again some 10 minutes later my back pain had dropped to levels that I could move quite normally again.
And I also use it on deeper issues, like what's behind me having tinnitus and vertigo. After all there are people who have had similar accidents to me and have healed. Why don't I? Means there's something behind it.
So a lot of deep work, lots of tears, but tears of release and liberation!

I hope I can keep at it for another while as I do feel this can really help letting go the issues beneath my chronical issues.